And the exact opposite can be just as bad. “You don’t want to react online and write about how much you hate your partner just to later forgive them for their actions,” says Ricciardi. If not, then you’ll have to move on in the best way you can,” says Bizzoco. “If it’s something that you can forgive them for, then you’ll need to have a conversation about how to move forward in the best way possible. You should take a step back and decide if your partner cheating is something that is forgivable. Rather than being reactive, be intentional and thoughtful.” Reevaluate the relationship. “Right after finding about a partner cheating, we can feel like we need to go straight into fix-it mode or make big decisions based on discovering the sexual infidelity. No big decisions need to be made immediately, so give yourself at least 24 hours to make any big decisions, suggests Grant. Give yourself at least 24 hours before making any big decisions. Work through it to forgive or to forget,” says Ricciardi. “Whether you stay together or decide to move on, at this stage, you need to focus on your coping skills. It might be hard to make a final decision, but start to lay the foundation for which direction this relationship is going, if anywhere, at this point. “No matter what the situation was, your partner had a commitment to you, and you can’t feel responsible for it,” Lori Bizzoco, a relationship expert and founder of Cupid’s Pulse, tells SheKnows. It was their decision to cheat when they did, and you can’t take it out on yourself. Make an appointment with your doctor and get yourself tested for STIs and even for pregnancy so that you have time to make a contingency plan - better to be safe than sorry! Understand it’s not your fault. If you and your partner had been together for a long time and were fluid bonded (or beyond using barrier method contraception), which is often the case for people who are in long-term monogamous situations or folks who were open to conceiving, you want to take the time to check in on your health. “Things can get pretty unstable when working through infidelity, and you want to make sure you are in a stable environment so that you can continue to take care of your everyday life.” Get tested. Where did you find out? Are you safe? Do you feel comfortable staying in the same place as your partner? If not, find somewhere safe for the night and make sure you take care of yourself first, suggests Ricciardi. Your first priority should be you in this scenario. Make sure to assess the status of your situation. “As much as you might not want to hear about the specific details, you will want to create an understanding for why your partner did what they did, Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid, tells SheKnows. Make sure you listen and don’t make assumptions. Try to understand why or how the infidelity happened. This can be further confusing and actually can make it hard to figure out what is best for you,” says Grant. “It is not uncommon for friends to want to jump to your rescue and quickly offer advice for what you need to do. Reach out to a friend that you know can be supportive and free of judgment. Reach out to trusted friends.ĭuring this time, you need your circle around you. If you need to cry, then let yourself go into that ugly cry.” It’s painful, but a necessary part of beginning to heal from this. “So if you need to scream, scream - into a pillow rather than at your partner. Grant, a licensed clinical psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert, tells SheKnows. Far too often, people don’t give themselves the space and time to simply be in the emotions and feel them, Piper S. Please take the time to let it all out rather than holding it all in and letting your anger and resentment fester. Take a breath & allow yourself to cry or scream. We connected with mental health and relationship experts to put together the best tips on healthy and productive things that you can do right after your partner cheats. But once you take that time, what you decide to do next is what’s important. Give yourself time to grieve the state of the relationship prior to this happening. If your partner cheats, it’s hard to understand why they would do it, what you missed, how you didn’t figure it out sooner, if you weren’t suspicious in the first place. You might experience an array of feelings after discovering infidelity, and shock, disbelief, sadness, and anger may be some of them (or all of those all at once). When you first find out about your partner being unfaithful, it is totally understandable to be overcome with emotions.
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